Death of an Abusive Parent

Life has recently hit me hard. It’s thrown 2 deaths my way. Death of my abusive parents. And the aftermath, has left me feeling as if I’ve been swept up by a tornado…twice, then spat out.

I hate funerals. My family practices old-school open-casket wake and burial type funerals. So I don’t attend them.  As an Empath, it’s the worst experience being subjected to and surrounded by so much grief and sadness. After my mom died, it took me MONTHS to shake off all that depressing energy from her funeral.   But being that these were my parents, and I’m their only child, I had to plan and attend both funerals. Those experiences zapped the essence out of my being.

While I’m taking time away from everything to get my bearings, I’m finding that I’m experiencing a variety on “non-traditional” feelings. During the wake and funeral (which was beyond exhausting) I was surrounded by people who were grieving for different reasons than my own. They were grieving the loss of their sibling, cousin, and friend… grieving the loss of future moments and experiences with each of my parents. But everyone had pleasant memories to hold on to. I on the other hand, did not only lack pleasant memories to hold onto, I barely had any memories at all because of the lack of relationship between my parents and I.

I have so many unresolved feelings and having to deal with the finality that I will never get the love, nurture, and attention I desperately needed from my parents throughout my life. I feel robbed of that. I was never cherished. And those feelings continue to linger in my subconscious, constantly causing me to readjust how hard I am on myself, and how worthy I am.  I work myself to the bone, giving so much of myself, in search of that approval from others.

This is such an incredibly difficult space to be in…I’m honoring my feelings, and hibernating to allow myself to feel, process, rest and release… but it’s awful.

Sadly,

NamaStella

Living Through the Other Side of Fear

I’m finding myself in a very interesting and foreign space in my life. 2017 was a year of transitions, purging of unhealthy relationships, and making decisions with my health in mind first. Now I am able to stand firmer in my choices and marinate less on what other people with think of my decisions. I still get scared that a family member or friend won’t understand my choices, but afterward realize I’m doing what’s best for me and for the most part they are usually supportive. But now I’m finding myself in this unfamiliar territory of every day being even keeled with no situations for me to worry about. And this is strange to me.

I never realized how anxiety and fear presented itself in almost all of my thoughts. My fear and anxiety created mountains out of molehills. I mean even to make the smallest decisions I would think of ALL the possible outcomes and chose the “right” one rather than what’s right for me.  I’m realizing that I’m so used to living with fear that my mind and body are not used to calm.  My mind was so used to fear that it would create fearful scenarios out of almost anything. But now, as I’m deconstructing my fears, breathing deeply into these moments and exploring why I’m scared, I realize they are all only rooted in one fear: what I THINK others will think of me.  That fear isn’t even a serious threat, yet my mind can trigger my body into thinking that it is.

I felt I needed to share this with you. If you’re in this transition period. Stay.With.It. BREATH DEEPLY. Even though it would be easy to just go back into the days of perpetual daily crises, there’s a great comfort on the other side of ease. It’s a foreign experience to not have daily problems, but it exists. You’re almost on the other side of fear and there’s such an empowerment and freedom when fear no longer dictates every aspect of your life. 

Much courage, strength, trial and error.

To a NamaStellar Life.

NamaStella

Loving an empath

CAPTURED SOOO WELL! THANK YOU (and your twin flame)!!

rachelpsy

Given certain situations that have been going on as of late, I took some time during the holiday break, sat down with my twin flame Ben, and seriously asked him how he manages to live with me. After we got past the raised eyebrows, he actually told me a few things about myself that made a lot of sense.  I have decided to share them here, in hopes that it may be helpful to others in a similar situation.

Why am I so difficult to live with? I am an empath. This is a psy ability, and in a nutshell it means that I pick up on everything around me. Emotions, spirits, energy, you name it. That can be good in some ways, but in others, not so much. But I will leave a full explanation for a later post.  Now, onto the tips:

Tips for living with an empath…

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Inner Strength

It’s been a while since my last post. Life in the real world has been pretty eventful.  I lost a family member and have been grieving.  The whole process has aged me.  This individual refused pain medication during their last week of Life, and chose to transition in unimaginable pain…This experience also brought up feelings of hopelessness.  See, the person who passed away took a family secret to the grave.  And what’s worse, the secret was about me…  And so I’ve been working on developing Inner Strength to deal with this.  Learning to understand what this experience was teaching me.

Interestingly, relationships with close family members have changed. Not because these individuals have done something that “broke the camels back”, but because I grew tired of experiencing let downs and heartbreaks. So this Inner Strength has been growing because I’ve made this choice to let these individuals out of my life.  I was raised to respect and be obligated to family, so this decision was a pretty big deal.  It was difficult for me because I felt very guilty for making this decision.  But this Inner Strength has taught me that I can live a life without pain (rather minimal pain), and that I have a right to only include individuals who genuinely care about me, enjoy my company, and who Love me just for being me.  The family I was raised in taught me that I can only be Loved if I do for others, and always put others needs before my own.  I got so stuck in my family assigned role.  It wasn’t until the discord just finally resonated so negatively in me, did I realize that I had a CHOICE to no longer participate in the dysfunctional relationships. 

My Inner Strength has also shown me that I can stop people-pleasing, that I do not have to try to help everyone, and that I can allow myself to just Be.  The experience of death and grief has shown me that I am only responsible for my own feelings and well being. And so while I enjoy helping and healing others, I no longer have to allow that to swallow me alive.  My brain literally got so tired of putting my needs aside…it got into survival mode and wouldn’t even let me to worry about other people or situations that I should “fix” for others.  While I know my life purpose is to help others, my PRIMARY life’s purpose is to take care of and be responsible for myself.  Lots of self-reflection (and therapy) has led me to the realization that my inner child was still in control, driving a lot of my experiences and NEED to please.  Like, this need was tied into my subconscious feelings of survival. Like that anxiety of I HAVE to help others, all the time, otherwise I’m worthless in life…

And so I wanted to share with you about my Inner Strength. Sometimes it takes incredibly awful or uncomfortable situations to signal that it’s time to make a change. And the “work” that comes with developing Inner Strength is quite interesting because it involves, literally being still…and present…and okay as all those uncomfortable decisions playout…breathing through the responses from family members … and exhaling fear of the unknown new territory of Life I’m moving towards.

If you’re experiencing the same, I’m sending you much Inner Strength.

NamaStella

Did Ancient Civilizations know about the Laws of the Universe?

Hello Everyone,

My ever constant-thinking-brain had me wondering, when and where did the Laws of the Universe appear? How did they get passed down? And did the Ancient Civilizations know about these Laws?  Well the Universe heard me and through a series of Google searches to the far end of the internet, serendipitously delivered to me this gem of a book called “Ancient Future” by Wayne B. Chandler.

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Ancient Future 7 Laws of the Universe Wayne B. Chandler

YES! Ancient Civilizations did understand the Laws of the Universe, and they all learned from the Ancient Egyptians.  They were conscious people. This book is jammed packed with historical references explaining the diffusion of the Laws, how they were passed on to the Greeks, Chinese, and East Indians, and how they’ve influenced their philosophies and cultures.  Hermes was the name the Greeks used to personify this body of knowledge related to the Seven Laws of the Universe, and therefore they are often referred to as the 7 Hermetic Laws.

The 7 Laws/Principles of the Universe are:

  1. The Principle of Mentalism, Concept of the All or God
  2. The Principle of Correspondence (“outer”world corresponds to “inner”world)
  3. The Principle of Vibration (the Law of Attraction is a part of this principle)
  4. The Principle of Polarity
  5. The Principle of Gender
  6. The Principle of Rhythm  (ages of mankind, earth’s biorhythm, individuals propensity for the universe to move towards increased consciousness)
  7. The Principle of Causation (action/reaction – as it relates to civilizations, individuals, and globe)

One of the most mind boggling nuggets of information was the correlation of the earth’s biosphere corresponding to the world’s sacred sites, including the Great Pyramid of Giza and Machu Pichu.

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Earth’s electromagnetic grid or “ley lines”. Photo Credit Brian Hyland WordPress.

I HIGHLY recommend digesting this book! Use a new highlighter and post-its!  I felt so enlightened after reading, felt that I am living in the right era, and felt reinforced in my purpose to continue with raising my consciousness while helping others to do the same.

Enjoy!

NamaStella

 

Being an Empath in this Time Space – 2016

I’m pretty angry right now…the elections in the U.S. have left me grappling to understand how so many individuals are so lost and filled with fear. If you’re an Empath, you already have felt the ripple effects nation wide and the potential impact globally with this new “leader”, so I won’t explain details.  It’s also left me wondering why I couldn’t have been born an Empath in the future, when human beings have sorted through their fears and prejudices.  I feel like my skill and gift of healing are getting lost among the number of hate-filled people.  The magnitude of fear and hate is so strong now, add to that mercury retrograde, in which communication is already compromised.

But the little solace I found, was that humanity doesn’t suck, and that as Lightworkers we should continue to shine our light everywhere.  Interacting with select few loving individuals is our purpose. I’m finding Peace with accepting that I don’t have to convince people to love, I will attract those who are already loving. I don’t have to save the world or shoulder the weight of all of its pain anymore.  I have the right to share my love with my family and friends and not be obligated to overshare Love to make up for the world’s lack of love.  Lightworkers shining brightly in their spheres of influence throughout the world will suffice.

Namaste.

Manifesting Different Circumstances as an INFJ/Empath

Helllllo Everyone!

Two years ago, I came to a point in my life where I was in deep “dealing” with issues in all areas in my life. I took lead in handling my parents’ health, family adjustments with a teen going through a developmental spurt, and was working with a few demanding families at work.  I was giving my all and literally had nothing more to give.  I was exhausted.  I started to wonder whether I was going to spend the rest of my life helping others? I didn’t want to! I wanted to ENJOY MY OWN LIFE too!

As an Empath, I had been such an emotional sponge, I never took the time to take care of myself. I was always caring for others. So I never really had the time to explore and resonate in my own feelings.  And in turn, I was repeatedly attracting situations of individuals and circumstances that required my constant attention and help.  Attracting people who always relied on others to solve their problems.  Circumstances that were so intertwined and convoluted, that once one problem was solved another would arise. These weren’t my manifestations.  So, how could I stop this?  What could I ask for  or want in order to manifest different people and circumstances?

I asked for peace of mind. I didn’t come to this immediately.  It slowly developed over time. I addressed each “situation” one at a time.  First, I started by wanting less demanding families, then suddenly those families were removed from my caseload.  Then I asked for some help, relief, and solutions with managing my parents’ healthcare, then suddenly two family members’ schedules allowed them to be more available to help, and a neighbor was able to refer me to a health care manager who  was willing to help me for free!  I then asked for clarity and resolution for the family conflicts due to the teenage developmental growth spurt, and surprisingly an opportunity presented itself that was a wonderful solution for all of us!

So now, my daily life was so much less stressful, and I was enjoying more peace on a daily basis!  This new space allowed me to focus on myself.  I didn’t realize how much time, hours, weeks, months I’d  spent on others! Now that this time and space was freed, I could use that time to imagine all sorts of possibilities for myself!  I could sit still and think about what I enjoyed doing, what I loved.   I wanted to balance my time.  Maintain regular alone down time for myself to recharge.  I also realized, I didn’t want to stop helping people, I just preferred getting feedback from people who actually used my advice.   I wanted to help people who were READY to be helped.  People who genuinely wanted to use my expertise.  That made me feel so purposeful and gave me joy to see how they’d improved their circumstances.  I cannot begin to explain to tell you the amazing stories my friends and acquaintances have shared with me!! And the other individuals who were dependent on me (and I’m sure others in their lives) to help solve their problems or were constantly in “negative” circumstances, just stopped calling or texting…and I also felt comfortable limiting my time with them.

The point I want to emphasize is that as Empaths, INFJs, we can manifest a life of peace, or mindful friends and circumstances. Our lives are not solely to help others.  I share this because I wish someone would have told me this! 🙂 With the abundance of manifestation guidebooks, I’ve yet to read that I could manifest difference social interactions.  Other people usually want to manifest objects, but you know material things are not that meaningful to us Empaths  🙂 

Happy Manifesting! I would love to hear your unconventional, creative manifestations !

Much Peace and Love,

NamaStella 

 

Empath Resource

Hellooo Everyone!

There’s an article by Janny Judly entitled “How To Be and Empath with Muscle” that I’ve emailed and shared it frequently to EVERY Empath  I’ve met.  It seriously helped me to become a more grounded Empath.  Judly explains that we are more than Emotional Sponges, and explains how we can appropriately use our “gift” without losing ourselves to others emotions.

Here’s the link:

http://www.elephantjournal.com/2015/07/how-to-be-an-empath-with-muscle/

Enjoy!

NamaStella 

p.s.

I recently learned that the Rose Quartz crystal is the stone of self love. I’ve been pretty good to myself with this reminder 🙂

$ Financial Abundance $

Hello World!

I’ve been so busy in the “real” world, I have not had a chance to share my thoughts!  I’ve been growing consciously, and experiencing wonderful opportunities, in addition to preparing for the opportunities.  I’ve also been hibernating, really taking quiet time for myself and not overdoing things. I’ve been serendipitously meeting other Empaths and sharing practical daily strategies for maintaining a healthy energy level.

In this post, I’d like to share some wonderful information about allowing financial abundance into your life.  I would say I am comfortable financially, but would like to do better. For example completely eliminate debt and have most of the money that comes to me available for me to spend on whatever I want (besides basic needs like food and shelter).  As an introvert, empath, overthinker, I find myself “stuck” in a pattern of belief that allowing money into my life requires effort, and that there’s resistance to allowing an abundance of money to come my way.  I’ve recently come across info that has seriously helped change my perspective about “getting more money” and as a result, I’ve been receiving various amounts of money in different ways!  Speaking engagements.  Parents requesting consultation time with me.  Requests to create printable handouts related to the pediatric therapy. Refunds.  Class action lawsuits Target and Burlington Coat factory!).  Overtime. And yes, some winning scratchers. 🙂

Address the Subconscious Negative Resistive Patterns about Money

  • Fill your spare time flooding your mind listening and reading about Loving Money. Your subconscious and ego seriously starts to soften to this information. You can never read or hear too much! And if a book or video doesn’t resonate with you, find another one. You’ve got a whole lifetime to listen to this stuff 🙂
    • YouAreCreators  YouTube page is filled with Money Loving videos. The MoneyLove audio by Jerry Gillies is on my playlist and I listen to it often!
    • The book “Dollars Flow to Me Easily” by Richard Dotts was a mental gold mine for me! money-flow-affirmation     He helps remind us that our natural state of being is always that of abundance. That’s REALITY.  All the other emotions we empaths have erroneously  absorbed, slow/stop the flow of abundance to us.   Also, it’s not so important how much you believe in a certain manifestation (even if it’s far fetched to you, it can still manifest!), or how frequently you visual it, but more importantly how often can you feel the essence of what you want. So for financial abundance, since our society has conditioned us to believe that it is essential to our living and security, we must take the time to feel secure, and comfortable as often as possible. Security and comfort are the essence of financial abundance.  You don’t even have to think about money when you do this.   Manifestation is supposed to ALWAYS be easy.  Great stuff!
  • Change the dynamics of your relationship with money, so that you can respect it. i-love-money-loves-me                  If money were a person, what would it say to you? Would it feel that you’ve appreciated all of the experiences and things it has allowed into your life? This one was so eye opening for me. Especially since I would frequently say/think “This check isn’t enough…My account balance isn’t enough…etc.” Everyday, designate 15 minutes to worrying about money, and spend the rest of your day giving money gratitude for everything in your life! Your clothes, shoes, socks, wallet, mode of transportation, food, shelter etc. You’ll be amazed at how abundant you are!
  • Another technique I learned was from Neville Goddard.  You talk to yourself as if you are your future self. Talk about your current (financial) situation as if it is in the past. Say to yourself “I remember when (present situation).  Now I (future/desired situation/experience).” For example, here’s one of mine:  “I remember when I used to worry so much about money. Now, I’m so comfortable with money, I don’t even have to think about it. It’s always coming to me!”  Be sure to speak in the present tense with the second piece of the statement.  This really helps get “unstuck” from those patterns of thinking.
  • If you have some money to spare, you can also try Hemi-Sync which is evidenced based binaural beats program by Dr. Joe Gallenberger. On the days that I use it, more serendipitous experiences occur including unexpected money and some small lottery scratcher wins 🙂 He’s compiled a ridiculous amount of evidence about psychokinesis (check out the link that has global research on the ability of the mind to manipulate matter) is incredibly fascinating.  He conducts workshops where you learn through the power of loving yourself, how to resonate at a high frequency (of allowance). In this state you can manifest anything, and he specifically conducts his workshops in Vegas so you can see immediate results (i.e. manipulating dice, cards, slot machines, bending spoons, etc.) If you have a very analytical mind,  very left brained thinker, or just a loud ego, this is truly helpful. I loved the Liquid Luck book. It comes with a CD that I try to listen to 1 – 2 times a week.  Also has some great strategies to address fear (which is the real reason we prevent things from manifesting), such as envisioning a tree of abundance and any negative thoughts get shred to compost, transform into nourishing, positive energy for your tree.

In reading Richard Dotts book, he states that he asks the Universe to convey clarity and abundance to the readers.  I think that’s such a beautiful thing! And so I too have asked the Universe to convey clarity, ease, manifestations, and love through all of these words I’m sharing. Let me know if this post has helped you! And if it has, I’d love to hear how 🙂

Till next time, continue to be NamaStellar!

Much Love,

NamaStella