Mathieu, de Mensetsu, demande qu'est-ce qui est dur quand on rentre en France après une expatriation.

J'ai commencé à écrire une réponse sur le site, mais ça s'est tellement allongé qu'il m'a paru finalement plus simple d'en faire un post. J'avais déjà jeté quelques idées sur la question un an après le retour où j'avais surtout parlé des problèmes de transport. Lors du dernier voyage en France avant le retour, je savais déjà qu'on allait rentrer, et j'ai commencé à regarder les choses sous l'angle de l'anticipation du retour. J'avais bien pressenti que les courses, ça allait être compliqué.

Six ans après, mon avis n'a pas forcément beaucoup changé, mais j'ai un peu plus de recul. D'abord, je pense qu'il y a deux catégories de difficultés: les difficultés immédiates qui s'estompent par la suite et les difficultés qui sont permanentes (mais dont on ne se rend pas forcément compte tout de suite). En vrac, voici la liste du moment.

Difficultés immédiates

Une difficulté que beaucoup craignent, et nous les premiers, c'est d'affronter l'administration. La CAF, la sécu, tout ça... Dans mon cas particulier, on pensait que ce serait pénible, et finalement ça s'est très bien passé. En même temps, après des années de pratique du DMV et autres MVA américains, plus les renouvellements de visa, on est quand même entraînés.

Une vraie difficulté qu'on rencontrée quasiment tous les impats que je connais, c'est de trouver un logement. Parce qu'en règle générale, il faut plein de papiers qu'on a pas quand on rentre: avis d'imposition français au moins de l'année précédente, trois bulletins de salaire, un CDI hors période d'essai. Alors c'est un peu la galère à squatter chez famille et amis ou dans des sous locations à potentiel générateur d'emmerdes variable... Et puis au bout de quelques mois on finit par avoir les papiers qui vont bien alors ça s'arrange.  

Une autre difficulté immédiate, c'est qu'il faut se réhabituer à tout. Changer les comportements et les attentes par défaut en quelque sorte. Je me rappelle avoir galéré pour acheter des ingrédients pour une recette de pâtes (le truc hyper simple) car la sauce tomate était conditionnée en brique au lieu de conserve, le parmesan était en poudre dans un sachet opaque au lieu d'être rangé avec le fromage râpé, et les quantités sont différentes donc il faut calculer des équivalences tout le temps au lieu de juste utiliser "une portion". Une autre fois, dans le métro, ma voisine avait des boucles d'oreilles sympa. Je lui ai dit. La fille m'a regardé de travers et elle descendue à la station suivante, je pense pour changer de wagon et échapper à la psychopathe qui venait de l'agresser -  Aux Etats-Unis, c'est assez courant d'entamer une conversation avec un inconnu sur la pluie et le beau temps, surtout dans les transports. A Paris chacun regarde ses pieds (ou son téléphone) et fait la gueule. Bon. Mais au bout d'un moment, au fil des incidents on finit par se recadrer.

Difficultés permanentes

- vision générale des choses: beaucoup de gens en France n'ont jamais vécu ailleurs, même s'ils ont voyagé un peu. Je suis souvent choquée par des conversations où les gens se plaignaient du système de santé ou d'autres avantages sociaux comme les vacances sans se rendre compte à quel point la situation en France est avantageuse par rapport à d'autres endroits. Bien sûr, le fait que ça soit pire ailleurs n'empêche pas de vouloir améliorer les choses, mais bon, quand j'entends Pierre se plaindre qu'il n'a *que* N jours de RTT et qu'en plus il trouve ça nul parce que sa boîte décide des dates de la moitié, j'ai du mal à ne pas penser que ça fait déjà plus que l'ensemble des congés que beaucoup de gens ont aux Etats-Unis. De manière générale, le fait d'avoir vécu ailleurs apporte une ouverture et un regard peut-être nuancé sur beaucoup de choses, juste parce qu'on sait que ça peut être différent. Et je pense que savoir de manière théorique parce qu'on en a entendu parler ou parce qu'on l'a lu est bien différent de savoir empiriquement après avoir vécu les choses. C'est bien sûr vrai de toute situation, mais à mon avis l'expatriation est une expérience tellement intense qu'elle force ce constat. Après tout, ça reste vrai des gens qui n'ont pas voyagé en général, aux Etats-Unis et ailleurs. Mais la différence, c'est qu'en étant à l'étranger on a plus l'impression que c'est "normal" de ne pas être en phase avec les habitudes locales et la pensée dominante. Par contre, une fois de retour "à la maison" on s'attend à être "comme tout le monde" et à ne pas être en décalage culturel permanent.
 

- la notion de service: le service après vente, les horaires d'ouverture dans les magasins, la facilité d'organisation d'activités en général... Tout cela est source d'effort et de frustrations. Le service après vente est variable voire inexistant dans certains magasins. Typiquement, lorsqu'on signale un décalage entre l'étiquetage en magasin et le prix facturé en caisse, là où aux Etats-Unis on reçoit immédiatement des excuses et un remboursement du double de la somme encaissée en trop, en France on se fait recevoir sur le bout d'une fource et aiguiller vers un comptoir pour remboursement au centime près après une heure d'attente... Les magasins sont ouverts à des horaires restreints. Genre, 10h-19h au plus large, mais souvent il y a des coupures en milieu de journée, les horaires et les jours de fermeture ne sont pas les mêmes! Ça m'est même arrivé de trouver porte close en venant pendant les horaires d'ouverture affichés. Du coup, c'est difficile d'être efficace et de faire plein de courses sur une plage horaire donnée car il y aura toujours un endroit de fermé. Là, on a beau être prévenu, ça ne change pas et il faut s'organiser en conséquence. Voir aussi ce post pour une autre anecdote que j'aime particulièrement raconter...

- la langue: en France... ben, on parle français. Pour moi, c'est à la fois difficile et pas si difficile. D'un coté, je parle anglais chez moi, je parle anglais dans le cadre de mon travail, je continue à avoir des amis anglophones, je lis beaucoup, c'est facile de trouver des DVDs en VO même à la bibliothèque municipale et j'ai la chance de voyager un peu pour le boulot. Globalement ma vie reste assez bilingue. Par contre, pour les enfants c'est plus compliqué. L'école anglophone n'est pas super accessible et tous leurs interlocuteurs anglophones au quotidien parlent aussi français donc ça ne stimule pas trop la pratique. Ça me peine beaucoup, mais on verra comment les choses peuvent évoluer à moyen terme. 

Je vais m'arrêter là, parce que ça commence à faire un joli pavé, mais je suis sûre qu'il y a plein de trucs que j'oublie... Du coup il y aura peut-être une suite, ou des compléments en commentaires...  

This blog has been on a long hiatus for almost four years. I am coming back to it after reading the blogs of French expats in Japan (mostly, Béné and Amélie Marie) and listening to a wonderful postcast series called mensetsu. I find these stories of travel and life abroad so interesting. Also, the vision of the people recounting them is a reminder of the need to keep an open mind about differences. To fight the urge of hastily categorizing, to seek deeper understanding and to reserve judgement. Living abroad is a unique opportunity to realize how different everything can be and to embrace diversity, because that's just how the world is.

This blog has been on a long hiatus for almost four years, because I have been slowly sliding into a hole (not quite the same as this one, but you get the drift) and fun on-the-side things were the first things to go. Now that I am fully aware of the situation and working on it, fun things are back on schedule as well as support in the form of blog reading, including some pretty fantastic colleagues (I have already mentioned the collective Tenure, She Wrote but I also have boundless admiration for Becca at Academomia who has twice the number of kids I have and xykademiqz has been an inspiring role model for years).

So, to get to the point of this post, if there is in fact an articulate point to it, I recently went on a trip to Japan. Many stars aligned to make it happen: the hard work of students and colleagues came to fruition to create this work travel opportunity while funding was also available. Most of all I am grateful to my husband who offered to take care of the kids so I could go, and even told me to take an extra week of vacation on top of the work related part of the trip. And that was a breath of fresh air. As a tourist, Japan was awesome on so many levels: beautiful places, lovely people, relaxing onsens, delightful cuisine, fun shopping, the list goes on... It reached out to me and helped me open my mind to things like self-care and journeys.

I've looked over the blog archives and found it mildly interesting, as a time-capsule if nothing else. I don't know where it is going to go from here, but it might get updated a little with recipes, thoughts about living abroad and coming back, Japanese stuff, who knows?

Number of times praise was heard for online grocery shopping: 67 Number of hours spent online filling grocery baskets: 5 Number of attempts to validate online basket: 2 Number of times online groceries delivered to door: 0 *

I heard the ultimate time and energy saving thing to do was to get grocery shopping done online. Supposedly, you can get it done 24/7 in just a few clicks. So many people swear by it and rejoice in having been off grocery store visits for months. I thought I would jump on that bandwaggon and save myself an hour and a half at the store every week. I started by downloading the cool shopping app from my store. It all looked nice and practical at first, but on second thoughts severe limitations appeared in terms of cost and convenience:

1. not all products are eligible for home delivery, such as diapers

2. home delivery shopping does not qualify for any of the in-store discounts

3. minimum purchase to qualify for delivery is 70 bucks AND they obviously charge a delivery fee

When confronted with these facts, online grocery shopping enthusiasts readily admit having to shop from three different stores to make sure they get all needed items, and some even set-up a round robin routine over several weeks to make sure they get all their supplies on regular basis. But, they insist, it's so worth the part were you don't go to the store and carry all your stuff.

I just stuck to my store-going habits until I got a little sick and decided I was ready to pay for the priviledge of not hauling my butt to the store. That's when I found out about the last catch:

4. delay between order and actual delivery is one week.

I suppose that's not an issue once you've eased into doing this routinely, but it's a joke for the one-timer.

So, basically, online grocery shopping is for those who are ready to adopt it as a way of life. 

* Yes, I've been reading 3rd Bridget Jones book**

** Obscure blog for self entertainment as much as others'

In the words of a colleague, a career in academia is a long string of failures sometimes, and sometimes only, interrupted by success.

I had one such success two years ago when I received my coveted job offer. Since then... I wouldn't say it's been downhill from there, but it hasn't been easy. ProflikeSubstance is currently running an interesting series of posts on surviving the pre-tenure years, which cover a lot of ground. My job pretty much came with tenure, but while job security is not a concern, the situation is similar in terms of getting a research program off the ground, getting funded, hiring...

News from the funding trenches

Since chances of getting funded are about 1 in 7 or 8, simplistic math dictates that you should submit about 10 proposals before you see 1 funded. Sure enough, Year 1 I submitted 7 proposals and got 1 funded. Year 2 I submitted 8... and got none funded, although many went through first round selections placing them in the top 30% of submissions. This submission season has left me exhausted - not necessarily because of the results per se, but because of the sheer craziness of the process. Submission requirements and venues change every year, so learning about them is a lot of work - and what you've learnt this year is not necessarily going to be of any use next year.

• One proposal got turned down because it was essentially off topic, but I didn't realize it until it was ready to be submitted, so I just went ahead and submitted anyway. My research overlaps with about three or four fields, so I'm routinely borderline off-topic anywhere I submit. This particular venue was decribing their scope in broad enough terms that I thought my proposal could fit in, until I discovered a more specific description of the funding agency's goals for this funding year that made it clear I was way out of left field to them. 
• One proposal was turned down from the get-go because of a combination of bad logistics - the scientific write up was ready two weeks ahead of submission time, but needed to be submitted together with a bunch of admin letters that I finally received - I kid you not - 20 minutes before the deadline. At which point the submission website choked under the pressure of whooosh, 30 submissions. The very local venue declined to accept proposals through other means than the crashed website. 
• I suspect one proposal was turned down because of unclear muddy local politics arrangements
• ...

Overall, many things factor in the outcome that are out of the applicant's control. I'm not entirely clueless, but I guess I just realized how much of it is out of your control.

All of this is highly time-consuming and energy-draining because it drags over the best part of nine months between write-up and results.

Meanwhile, how's the research supposed to actually move forward? I suppose recruits are part of the answer, but that's the other thing. Once you got the money, you'd think you'd be out of water. However...

How to Hire a research associate in 10 days

...when you have the funds, the ideal candidate, and labor law behind you. 

Answer: it can't be done. Period. Not in ten days, and not even in ten weeks!!

Year 1, I learnt the basics of hiring: finding a willing, competent candidate and funds to hire them ain't easy. This year, I found out that having the funds and a candidate who is competent, willing, and legally able ain't enough. You have to have the candidate vouched by the institute who draws the contract, and, for some labs, by the department of defense.  I tried to hire two associates this year.

• The first one had worked for a government research institution for three years over the past six years prior to accepting my offer of a 1-year-renewable-once position. If they had effectively been in the offered position for the maximum amount of time, they would have had at most 3 years tenure at a government research institution over a window of six years at any given time. The law states that an individual with six years experience in a six-year window needs to be tenured, and institutes are making a point to avoid giving tenure in this way. So, even though in this case we were far from reaching the six-year limit, they flat out declined drawing a contract for this person. 

• The second one had a time-sensistive agenda, and needed to know where they would be working in three months time. Because we're one of the lucky labs required to seek defense approval before hiring folks, the best comitment we can make is: you're hired, pending defense approval which may or may not be granted within the legal ten-plus week time frame. Unsurprisingly, this candidate accepted a solid offer from a lab with the ability to draw a contract there and then.

These battles are equally time-consuming and energy-draining as the funding quest. I now understand the statement of a former mentor that the first rule of hiring is in fact to pick a candidate that will do no harm. Qualified candidates are hard to come by, and should you be so lucky to find them, likely to have competing offers. So in the end, the candidates that will be willing to put up with the bloody process are the ones with no other options - so what your job description comes down to is: ability to not blow up the lab, getting some actual work done optional.

Long live the batrachians

What about the Science? In the midst of all this, it's trying to move forward, with exciting progress. Since it's definitely the most interesting and rewarding part of the job, I am seriously considering quiting the other quests, or at least putting them back on the back burner that should have never left. If nothing else, this will give me time to build up the stamina to collect more rejection.

I recently came accross this essay about procrastination. I found it quite interresting in general, and in particular it helped me articulate the main issue with my professional situation: I lack much needed time to procrastinate.

I think I view procrastination a little differently from the author of the essay, but in essence, I am in full agreement with his perspective. I believe the key phrase in that essay is the claim that "real work needs two things (...): big chunks of time, and the right mood."

Where I differ from the author is in the belief that, to reach the right mood, you need "bad" procrastination, i.e. what he calls type-A and type-B procrastination: periods of time do "do nothing", aka clean your house or office space, watch TV, goof off on the web, read papers that are only remotely related to your research topic... After a while of "doing nothing", the urge to get some actual work done does build up, but you're not quite ready to commit to the hard tasks yet, so that's the perfect time to "do something less important", such as reply to email, document recent work, admin stuff... And finally, the "right mood" is there, hard work can begin! That's when you need to be able to sit at your desk for hours without being interrupted by meetings, errands, domestic chores. At least, that's how I operate - well, how I used to operate... Because over the past few years, I have not been able to go through all the motions in the game plan. I simply do not have the time. I've been able to either "do nothing" and then "do something less important", or go straight into the "do something less important phase", but I never really make it to the last phase. Or if I do, I have to drop everything after five minutes to rush home. My errands and domestic chores are no longer of the kind that I can throw to the wind and just postpone indefinitely or even for a day. When it's time to pick-up my son from daycare, I can't just decide to let the teachers drop him off at the local police station until I'm ready to take custody of him. When it's time to go shopping, I can't decide that my son can do without proper food or diapers for a few days. I suppose I could decide that I will sleep another day, but that's treacherous when the little one will wake you up at 6 a.m. no matter what.
 
I realize it's a common predicament, but to this day, I have not found the right strategy to make adequate time for procrastination.